oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
