Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
