WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
