you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
