She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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