ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
