My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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