I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
