I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
