If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
