I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't turn off my feet"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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