i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
