go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
