Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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