fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
