At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize