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How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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