You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
