I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize
