I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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