the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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