Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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