Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't put those talents on a resume
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
