and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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