i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Duck Duck Cougar?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.