I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.