I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him