you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me