please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.