btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
