you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
