Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize