We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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