I look better un-naked...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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