I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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