my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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