I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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