you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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