Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
