The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
