that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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