Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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