dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
