so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
barbara walters just said penis...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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