youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
