I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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