Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
