I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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