His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
