2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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