i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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