I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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