also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i will never coherently bang her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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