I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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