so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
