Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
