Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
