he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
