Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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