and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
