lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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