You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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