made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
