I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
