Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
