Already got asked if we're dating
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
