i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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