dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
