I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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