he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
