look no pants
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm just crazy horny about you
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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