why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
