Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n