All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
