He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's