Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
